I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
