Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
