Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
