i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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