So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
