So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
