I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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