he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
