I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he puts the penis in happiness.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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