From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
