my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
