Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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