Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize