Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
