I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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