Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
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