the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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