I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
