you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
