Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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