I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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