I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
