I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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