note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
