I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
operation have a gay friend backfired
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
