i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
