I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
