ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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