I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
