Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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