Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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