so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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