so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
