ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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