so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
