They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
