im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
