Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
