ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
