she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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