u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
