Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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