Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
