You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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