He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
