Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
