Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
