I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
