not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she woke up with a sticky ear
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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