Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
