Welp...herpes.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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