At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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